Just a thought or two . . .

Last night, Neal and I went to the Maxfield adult Christmas dinner at Nila’s home.  It is always interesting to me how often I am asked, “Now that you know - - would you do it again?”  Of course they are referring to marriage and combining a family.  Sometimes I jokingly say, “Never” and other times I respond with, “well I would have to think about it”, but mostly my response is “Yes”.  When asked again last night, I smiled and said, “Of course.”  I’m not sure what they expect me to say.  I thought about it all evening, some more in Sacrament Meeting and again in relief society.  Here are my thoughts on the subject.

In 1990 I found myself married and immediately the mother of 5 more children.  It was queer.  All of a sudden these were my children and I was their mother.  We were all learning to love each other in a new way and sometimes it was beautiful and sometimes it was a struggle and very hard on all of us.  So, if I had to take the same step now – oh, I am sure I wouldn’t dare.  I would see all the dangers and difficulties in taking over the place of a second wife and second mother.  I would be very doubtful that five children would ever take to me.  I wouldn’t feel adequate to take over so much responsibility – I simply wouldn’t dare.  But in 1990 and having already raised two children I felt beautifully unconscious of possible complications, and complications there were.

So, knowing now compared to what I thought I knew then . . . . would I do it again?  I cannot honestly answer that.  My heart says YES without question, but reality and knowledge says, maybe I would dare.  I’ll leave it at that.  The question to ask is, “Are you glad/happy that you made the choice you did?”  The answer to that is without doubt, Yes.  The journey has been and continues to be full of adventures, happy times, misunderstandings, complications and problems.  But, that is life’s journey no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in.  I would never give up the experiences I’ve had so far.  I guess that answers the question for me and that is what is really important here, isn’t it?