As I write this I look at your pictures with me and I'm so thankful that we did take pictures together along your life's journey. Tears fill my eyes as I write this. I miss you so much that it hurts. It has been a year since you left us to journey on to a completely new adventure. One that I know you are happy experiencing and I have to admit that I'm a bit jealous. I wish you could write us and share what you are doing, who you are meeting and how you are.
Annie text me on Thursday and said she was thinking about you that morning. She had lots of tears. She knew if she called me we would both be a mess so the text was the best. She didn't think she could make it through any kind of conversation. She asked how I was and then said that she had looked through some pictures and there were so many special childhood memories. She complimented me on being an amazing mother (which I don't deserve but it made me happy inside). She then said that she wondered what it was like in Heaven for you. What was the process when you got there. Did you see Grandma Ross and get a hug and then maybe a smack from her for your not so good choices as an adult. She wondered if you met your birth mom and how that went. Can you send some messages and inspiration to your wife and kids and to all of us as a family.
I wondered the same things and I sure don't have the answers for myself or for Lynda Ann. I know of only one person who died and came back and He didn't tell us about that. So, I can only imagine what it must be like and I have to believe that it is a warm and simple transition from this life to the next.
We had stake conference this morning and the visiting General Authority talked about you! Well not you specifically but for me it was just about you. He lost a son as well and he said that he had to go to his own Garden of Gethsemane to find the peace and assurance to go on. He bore his testimony that Christ is the Savior of the World, that He is the Son of God and that he is aware of every tear we shed and every moment of sadness we feel. He suffered it all for us.
I too believe that with all my heart. It helps me get through these moments of deep sadness when I let myself go back in time to that little chubby, tiny baby that was placed in my arms so long ago and depended on me for love and care. You can tell your birth mom 'hello' from me and 'thank you'.
Please know that not one day goes by that I don't think about you and wonder how you are doing and what you are doing. When I go to the temple, I want you to be there with me. I want you to touch my heart and I want to feel those strong arms around me giving me that bear hug that you were always so good at. I want to hear you whisper that you love me. I know you do, I just want to hear it again.
I can't go on. Tears won't allow me to write anymore. So I'll bring this to an end. Please tell Grandma Ross and Annette that I said "hi" and that I love them. Be happy!
I love you,
Mom
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