Being a Mother

As we near mother’s day and combining that with an incident that happen last week, I’ve been thinking a lot about my role as a mother.  Questions like, “Have I done any good?”  “Could I have done better?”  What would I change if I could go back?”  Would I change anything if I had to do it over again?”  There always seem to be an incident or two that comes up in our lives that cause us to stop and take accountability of our efforts as a mother.  My perspective of what my life would be like marrying Neal has certainly changed over the years.  I remember taking a required art class in junior high.  Believe me, I’m no artist!  I remember the teacher holding up a drawing of a path lined with tall trees.  As you look at the picture you could imagine yourself walking down that path and wondering where it would end up as it narrow and came to the end of the canvas.  I was sure that I could draw that picture and mine would look just like his.  But I soon learned that my perspective of what my picture would end up looking like was not how it turned out.  I also remember that I had to erase and redraw and erase redraw countless times.  I think about my drawing and the teachers and my perspective and compare that to my role as a mother and step-mother.  My perspective of what I thought life would be like with Neal and raising 5 more children is not what it turned out to be.  Over the past 25 years I’ve been drawing and erasing over and over again and realized that there is no perfect path lined with beautiful trees.  There is a path, alright and there are some beautiful trees but there are also boulders on the road to climb over, fallen trees and other debris that makes my journey hard.  Perspective is an interesting thing. My drawing certainly isn’t complete but I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to keep moving along that path I’ve drawn.  Erasing and trying to make the picture look better doesn’t seem to help.  Some of my children will look at the picture and think it is good and love it and others will look at it and find every flaw they can and point it out to you.  I’m so thankful for the ones who look and overlook the flaws and mistakes and focus on what is right about my drawing.  I don’t need to write the names of my children who smile and love my picture.  You know who you are.  Just know that you are my reason for journeying on.  You make my life worthwhile and complete!  I love you for that and I love the good people you are.  I can look at each of you and think, “Yes, I did something right.” 

Annie sent me this saying and some day I might have to have Jamie make it into a sign for me:

WOMEN ARE ANGELS, AND WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS OUR WINGS, WE CONTINUE TO FLY, ON A BROOMSTICK BECAUSE WE ARE FLEXIBLE LIKE THAT!

So, thinking about that saying, a child of mine did break my wings, but my broken wings are slowly healing and I WILL fly again in spite of her and I won’t allow her to break them again.  And in the meantime I will ride my broom!!