January 28th

It is Sunday, January 28th and many thoughts have tumbled through my mind as I think about the significance of this date.  Two years ago our family suffered the loss of son, father, husband, brother, uncle and cousin.  It was a sad day and one that left each one of us trying to deal with the reality of having Jeff gone from us.  As I sat in stake conference this morning I had my eyes water many times as I thought about my son.  But each time a sweet peaceful feeling would come over me and I knew that Jeff was thinking about me and his family.

I'm not sure how much I actually heard from the speakers as my mind wandered back to the day when we got the call that our baby was born, healthy and waiting for us at the hospital in San Bernadino.  Adoption is no different than the "natural" way to have a baby come to your home.  I was full of anxiety and anticipation.  Questions swirling through my mind.  "Am I ready to be a mother?"  Am I prepared physically and spiritually?"  "Do I know how to take care of a new born?" " Do I know how to raise a child?"  All of these thoughts and millions more as we traveled in our blue mustang to pick up a our long awaited baby.

We stopped at a department store and for some silly reason, as we got to the check out area I was embarrassed to be buying all this baby stuff.  I was afraid the clerk would know that I didn't have a baby and question me as to why I was buying all this baby equipment.  How silly!

When we got to the hospital the nurse greeted us and said that our 'baby girl' would be ready in a moment.  We questioned her and said we thought we were picking up our son and she said, "No, it's a girl."  Our attorney got there just after and told us that there were two adoptions going on in the hospital that day and that we indeed were parents of a beautiful baby boy.  I would add here that I've often thought about that baby girl and have wondered what kind of life she had.  Maybe in the next life I will learn about her.

The next thing I remember, is the nurse taking me into the nursery and asking me if I wanted to meet my little boy and dress him ready to leave the hospital.  I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't respond yes or no but the tears told her the whole story.  So I followed her into the nursery where Jeffrey was placed in my arms.  At that very moment, I knew what a mother's love was.  The nurse asked me if I wanted to diaper and dress him.  I was so nervous that I could hardly do anything without her help.

The next years were filled with, loving and caring for Jeffrey.  I was called in by the Branch President (Dean Fairbanks) and told that the sisters in the branch were complaining because I wouldn't let anyone hold Jeffrey.  I remember thinking to myself, "Well that isn't going to change!"

We moved to Salt Lake when Jeff was about 6 months old so that his dad could go to law school.  We lived in South Salt Lake and Annette and Allan moved in to a home across the street.  

The next great event was taking Jeffrey to the temple to be sealed to us for Time and all Eternity.  I remember the nursery sisters bring Jeffrey up to the sealing room all dressed in his little white suit and looking every bit a chubby, healthy and happy one year old.  They sat him on the altar and we took his hands in our and the sealing became a reality.

I know that we have a picture of Jeffrey in his little white suit, but I don't have any of his pictures anymore.  I gave them all the Jeff when he got married and moved away.  Maybe when Mindy has time, she can go through his pictures and find it.  I would love to see it again.

The next big event was when we got a call from California again telling us that we had a beautiful healthy little baby girl.  Again, in the Mustang we headed to California.  This time to Ridgecrest.  I don't know that Jeffrey totally understood how this would change his little 'only child' life.  Traveling home was fun and eventful.  We had Lynda Ann in a little back seat car crib and I had to watch Jeffrey closely because he kept wanting to play with her and hold her little hands.  She didn't want to be bothered and thus began the sibling brother, sister rivalry.

I so remember taking Annie and Jeffrey to have family pictures of taken and I had Jeffrey get on his suit (which he did not want to do because it was Saturday and he was playing).  He came running out of the house and jumped in the back seat and laid down on the floor.  I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I don't want my friends to see me!"  He stayed down there all the way to the photography place.

Jeffrey was a happy child and a mischevious one.  Lynda Ann probably has millions of stories about Jeffrey that she could tell - many that I probably don't even know.

He brought me happiness and he filled my heart with love.  Was his childhood perfect?  No.  There were lots of bumps along the way for him and for me and the two of us together, but through it all love was the center that we always went back to.

How grateful I am for him and for the opportunity to be his mother.  I miss you, Jeffrey.  Sometimes I miss you so much, it hurts.  But I know that you are happy and surrounded by so many loved ones.  There will always be a little part of my heart missing until we meet again.

I love you Jeffrey!  A couple of my favorite pictures:

 Seriously, this was Jeffrey's favorite look.