Trials can be blessings that help us grow emotionally and spiritually. No one is exempt as we traverse through life’s journey. The other day in the office we got into quite a lengthy discussion about infertility and adoption. Because I have experienced both I was quite interested in what was being said. Of course, I had to add my two cents worth. I told them that infertility is so much more than not having a baby in your arms. I also told them that adoption is not a scientific cure for infertility and it is not an emotional cure either.
I shared something that I had read that went something like this: Infertility is an all encompassing state of being. It has the force to completely take over the core of a woman’s belief about who she is and what she is capable of.
The conversation took me back in time. How I remembered those feelings of inadequacy. I begin to feel that somehow I had failed as a woman. I soon realized that it’s not about having a biological baby or an adopted baby, it’s about feeling whole even if no baby ever came at all. It’s being able to love your body even though it’s not functioning in a fertile way. I tried to explain to them that my own battle with infertility ripped me apart. In those heavy years I felt every emotion given to feel. Jealously, anger, rage and self-directed disappointment. I began to realize that it wasn’t just the inability to conceive, it was the inability to believe in myself.
Now this is where I stepped out of the conversation and began to recall my ‘trial’ and my ‘growth’. I remember reading the scriptures and coming across Ether 12:27 “And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my graced is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” In other words, if we come unto Christ, He will make our weaknesses strengths. We have to discover those strengths.
I realized my weakness was not seeing who I really was, with or without a baby. I could only see myself as a person who wanted. I felt incomplete. No matter our trials in life and we all have them – we must never forget that we are daughters of God and therefore entitled to intelligence, creativity, joy, inspiration and beyond. These are our strengths, our REAL strengths. We need to believe in who we really are and what we are really capable of.
That realization came to me as Jeff was placed in my arms for the first time. That was when infertility became less about having a baby in my arms and more about gratitude for having experienced it.
I marvel as I look back at my journey. Seven children I can call mine. Seven children that I’ve had a part in raising. They’ve all had their own struggles – and I’m glad they have. They will be stronger for them. I love each one of them and I pray that they will dwell on the good things in their lives and look for what they can learn from the trials. We are being taught every day of our lives and we need to discover what ‘someone’ is trying to teach us.
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