Friday Date Night

 Neal and I decided to go to Fire Station No 8.  This is the Mexican Restaurant that used to be in the old Train Station but because of the homeless issue and the homeless taking up residence by the entrance of the train station, the owners of Rio Grande Mexican Food had to make the decision to move to a new location.  Market Street Grill closed down and Fire Station No8 moved in.  They have renovated the building and really fixed it up.  The food was delicious and we would definitely go back there again some time.  It was actually warm enough that we were able to sit outside on the patio.  Oh, I do love the warmer weather.  However, tonight it is snowing again!!

Finding Pictures

 I was looking for Neal's birth certificate and had to go through a bunch of  books.  I never did find his birth certificate but came across an envelope that had a bunch of our family Christmas cards and a picture of Tucker's wedding.  Talk about a walk down memory lane.  Check these fun pictures out.  I think Jamie was the one who was given the assignment to put the cards together.  

This one was my personal favorite!

Found this cute picture of CJ, Justin and Madeline

I believe this was our Christmas at the beach house and we were all in Disney Land.

Tucker and Jamie's wedding day.

Pictures are priceless and so fun to look back on.  So don't anyone give me any nonsense about taking pictures.  So fun to look back on.

Sunday Thoughts

It is General Conference Weekend for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  The weather is absolutely gorgeous.  Spring in the air, tree blossoms busting out in full bloom and so many bulbs waking up from their winter sleep.  I love the Spring.  I love the warmth it brings.  I love the sunshine.  I love the smells.  

  As I listen to conference I remember something that one of the apostles said a couple conferences ago, 

        "When you stream general conference a window on a laptop becomes a window to God's love.

        A pair of headphones becomes a line of inspiration.

        An afternoon drive become a path to teach.

        Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, take time to listen."  

Our past and present circumstances do not determine our future.  The power is in us to be anxiously engaged and out of small things proceedeth that which is great.  Jesus Christ is the anchor to our lives.

Mindy and Robert Tie the Knot

 Neal and I were invited to be a part of Mindy and Roberts marriage celebration.  We left Friday morning and drove to Las Vegas.  Six hours, but we made it to the Bliss Chapel on time.  There were about 50 people total.  Maren and Greg, Tucker and Jamie and Neal and I represented the Maxfield side of the family.  Lynda Ann just had another blood patch and couldn't join the celebration.  She was very sad.  

The wedding was an Elvis Presley affair.  He conducted the wedding, sang songs to Robert and Mindy and pronounced them man and wife.  It was a gala affair.  Mindy made the comment, "Who knows how to put on a party?!"  We all agreed that she certainly was at the top of the list for fun celebrations.  After the wedding ceremonies and many pictures being taken, we all drove to the restaurant for an incredibly nice dinner hosted by Mindy and Robert.  

Here are some fun pictures of the evening events.

So much fun with these two girls!  How I love them.

The man - Elvis

along with Mindy and Robert

Serenading the newly married couple.

Left to right:  Grayson, Domoni, CJ, Robert, Justin, Ryan and Maddie

These pictures were taken at the dinner.

Sharing a cup cake.

This series of snap shot were taken at the Wedding Chapel.  Just fun pictures.

We wish Mindy and Robert a happy and blissful marriage.  

After the dinner, Neal and I drove back to St. George where we spent the night.  We arrived in St. George about 12:30 and fell fast asleep until 6 a.m.  Out of bed, dressed and on our way back to Salt Lake by 6:30.  Arrived safely here by 10:30.  A lot was packed into two short days.  Had a wonderful time and were so happy to be a part of it all.  It was so fun to visit with Tucker and Jamie and CJ, Domoni and Justin.  

Found the Pictures

 The pictures are out of order but I can tell about each one of them.  This first one was a rather funny one.  I went to work early one morning, parked my car, got out and nearly stepped on this Mallard.  He was not about to move.  Believe me, he yelled at me in duck language.  Scared the living daylights out of me.  Silly duck.  We think the hen that wanders with him is nested in the herb garden laying on some eggs.

Neal had his left eye cataract removed last week.  Came through with flying colors.  The nice thing is that he doesn't have to wear glasses anymore.  Amazing.  He went to school the next morning, but couldn't drive or go on the Front Runner so I drove him down at 6:00 a.m.  Came back to work until 9:30 and then drove back down to Orem to pick him up and bring him home.  Back to work and then I left again and drove him to his follow-up doctors appointment.  I didn't bother to go back to work after that.  

Here are the pictures of our lunch for Susan's birthday.  We had such a fun time.  

And these pictures are at the eating place that Neal and I discovered in Sugar House.  Certainly good, but different.  Not in my top 10 list of places to go back to.

Catching Up

 I'm a little behind in my blogging.  It's been a busy past couple of weeks so this post will be kind of a hodge-podge of things that have happened in the last little while.

First of all.  Neal and I had our Friday night out last Friday night the 26th.  We found a place is Sugarhouse called Oubergine.  The food was interesting and good.  Not sure I would make a trip clear to Sugarhouse to eat there again but it was good for a try.

I can't even begin to pronounce what we had or even remember what it was called, but here are some pictures.  The interesting comment made was that the place had been open for years and it was very crowded.  

I actually took a couple pictures but I can't find the dang things.  Loaded them, I thought, but they are no where to be found.  So, just use your imagination.  

Also, it is April so I will show the progress I'm making on my Santa face.  The hardest part on this has been the Christmas tree, but it is finally finished.

Also, it is April.  Easter is late this year.  April 17th.  I got out my Easter wreath and hung it on the door.  That is about as much as I've done so far.  I did buy two Easter bunny's bags full of three different kinds of popcorn and sent one to Abby in California and Jan and Mike Little who are serving in New York.  Hopefully it will bring a smile to their faces.  Everyone needs a a package in the mail now and then.

Mallory, Lynda Ann and I met Lila Mae and Susan in Provo to celebrate Susan's birthday.  We met a Joe Verta's - a favorite Mexican place of ours- had a delicious lunch and laughed and talked and talked some more.  From there we went shopping at random stores and then home.  Very fun day.  Good grief!  Can't find those pictures either!!  I give up.

On a Happy Note

 I received this letter from Abby and it came at a time when I needed to hear that I was loved by a grandchild.  (I know I'm loved by many of them :-) )

"Holaaaa!!!  Thank you for your sweet birthday messaged.  I could hear your voice as I read your email and you 'sang' to me.  I love you so much!!!

    We've been doing good here.  We had some really cool miracles this week and I love serving here.  The     people here are amazing and I can't imagine serving anywhere else or not speaking Spanish.  Latinos        are the greatest people!!  This last weekend we had a friend that needed to move and doesn't have any        family or friends to help.  She is not a member but we have been teaching her.  She told us on Friday        that she had to be out by Sunday.  We told her we would do what we could to help.  We called a lot of        members but no one could come help us.  Even the missionaries were not able to come.  So we started        calling friends who are not members but that we are teaching.  They were incredible!!  So we are               outside the apartment building and WOW MILAGROS!!!  our friend Oscar pulls up in his truck and he     brought 3 other buys to come help.  We have never met them and they don't like our church but they            came to help.  Then Armando, our recent convert came in his truck and he brought a friend from the        English class!  It was AMAZING!!  Me and my companion were literally jumping and cheering in the        street because we had no idea how we were going to help this girl move.  The hermanos really came        through!!

    Only one of the six who came was a member and only one other really knows about our church.                 Something I love about this gospel is its a gospel of action.  So many people talk about doing good or        helping out but the church actually does.  And it doesn't matter who you are if you need help we are            there because that's what Christ did.  Those guys were my miracle this week among other miracles too."

Hitler and Cinderella's Stepmother

 Just recently I got a hurtful letter from one of my stepchildren.  I had made a comment that "I didn't know how she was going to get the money and that was a mystery" and I accidently sent it on a group chat.  Let that be a lesson to all of us to be very careful about chatting online.  

From that comment came a letter ,left on my front porch, comparing me to Hitler and Cinderella's Wicked Stepmother, which I felt was uncalled for, harsh, cruel and very hurtful.  And she later reported that her children and some of the other grandchildren were not comfortable coming to our home, (I'm assuming because of me).  So because of that, I have made the decision to not have our annual Easter gathering and Easter egg contest this year and maybe never.  I'm too hurt and tired to play the roll of 'happy'.

From the time I started this blog and the journaling that I've done before blogging, I've almost never written about being a stepmom.  I've had several reasons for staying clear of the topic.  First of all, I'm not my stepchildren's mom, and if I were, I don't think I'd be so happy if they had a stepmother writing about their lives on her blog.  And two, writing about step parenting while I'm in the trenches of it is a lot like writing about a divorce as you're going through it.  Emotions are running rampant and negative.  I remember writing about my own divorce when I was going through it and later when emotions were back in a more normal state, all those pages were burned.  My third reason is that I have often felt like the world's worst stepmother.  Yup, the world's worst.  And who wants to write about that?

However, I felt strongly that I wanted to address this issue.  Maybe to justify myself, maybe just to vent my feelings or just maybe to help me heal from the letter.  One of the hardest parts about being a stepmom is the need to keep quiet about the tough stuff and how it's affecting me.  This letter was a tough one for me and I realized I needed to physically and emotionally back away from the situation.  I've spent too much time beating myself up about my shortcomings as a stepmother.  Often, I felt like something was very wrong with me because I always seemed to be blamed over and over and over again.  I try to believe that I have learned to be wiser and gentler with myself.  But every now and again, I have the wind taken out of my sails.

I know, and it has been made very clear to me, that I'm not their mother or their 'bonus mom'.  I learned early on that I could have a meaningful, loving, influential relationship with my stepchildren, but it would always be different from my relationship with Lynda Ann and Jeffrey.

I certainly don't want to make being a stepmother seem all gloom and doom, because it isn't.  We have had many fun times together as a blended family.  I've read a lot about blending families and how to be a stepmom.  Everything I've ever read ALWAYS says that being a stepmom is definitely one of the biggest challenges anyone can face, because it is daily and will be for the longest duration.  Other things in my life have been harder in singular moments, but nothing else has truly tested all my insecurities and fears in the same way.  I wish there were an 'easy button' to push for how to deal with the stress of being a stepmom.  Can I just say that "SHIT IS COMPLEX".

Being compared to Hitler and then being called Cinderella's Wicked Stepmother was a low blow.  Throughout history stepmothers have been painted as wicked and evil.  Just look at almost any Disney fairytale.  These stereotypes are hard to shake and even now in the year 2022, there is still a negative connation associated with the title of 'stepmom.'  We seem to get little appreciation for the things we do right and all the blame for things that may go wrong.  Being a stepmother can feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster.  I can feel love, happiness, sadness, anxiety, stress, and resentment and hate, yes hate, all in one day.

Venting about the struggles that come with motherhood DOES NOT make me a BAD MOM.  It doesn't mean I don't love Lynda Ann and Jeffrey.  IT'S THE SAME FOR STEPMOMS.  when I talk openly to someone else about feeling overwhelmed or frustrated with Lyndsy or any of the Maxfield children it does not mean that I don't show up as a good stepmom.  It means that I'm a human being with feelings and concerns.

There is a counselor named Emma Smallbone and she said:  "When you are a stepmom you're living a life that isn't fully yours."  Being a stepmom has challenged me beyond ways that I never expected.

Right now, I'm feeling furious, angry, and guilty.  I even feel like I would like to throw in the towel.  I've even had moments of bone-deep loneliness, but thanks to Lynda Ann, she has pulled me up and out of that.  I know that hard is normal and that I need to forgive myself and move on to the next stage.  One step forward and three steps back.  That is how I feel most of the time.  

I keep reminding myself that any of my stepchildren not liking me is NOT personal, no matter how personal it may feel.  And my stepchildren do not have to love me for me to be a good stepparent and I don't have to love my stepchildren to be a good stepparent either.  I'm realizing that my number one job is to support Neal as he parents his own children.

Sometimes curling up and going fetal for a bit is okay.  Maybe my optimism is in hibernation right now and I need some downtime for myself.  I definitely need some recharge time.  I don't know if I'll ever get over this so I'm going to go ahead and wallow for a bit.  Being a stepparent is emotionally exhausting and I don't feel like I benefit from bothering trying to pretend otherwise.

As I wrap up this post, I'm feeling like "wow, this is pretty dooms day" stuff.  I will admit that being a stepmom isn't all bad.  There are blessings along the way, but those blessings have challenged me in ways that I never expected.

Sunday Thoughts

I had the opportunity to go out to Lynda Ann's and sit in the audience and hear her talk about her journey of finding her biological ancestors and doing their temple work.  I wish I had a recording of it.  It was such a spiritual experience to hear her talk about her personal temple experiences.  She told about being adopted and how she never had a problem with being adopted but never felt a connection to the Hintze or Ross ancestors.  Her earliest memory is thinking about all the people who were in Heaven waiting for her to do the research and find them so their work could be done.

Through some help with a family history expert she was able to track down some living relatives.  Her biological parents, two half sisters and even some half brothers.  Annie told us that Rose, the family history sister, said when she started on Annie's research she couldn't leave it alone.  Like people were pushing her on.

Annie told about her experience of taking her biological grandmother's name through the temple and that it was the most spiritual experience than she could have expected.  She felt her grandmother was ready to have her temple work done.  Annie felt her grandmother was right by her at the veil.  

She mentioned that there isn't one definition of a family.  That there are many definitions.  

She bore her testimony that people on the other side of the veil are cheering us on and want us to find them.  She ended her talk by telling the audience that she has a daughter on a mission and another daughter on the Harry S. Truman Aircraft carrier and how worried she is about both her girls.  One particular day she was coming from Stansbury to Salt Lake and has she rounded the mountain she saw the Bountiful Temple and new that it was a message and a promise from her Heavenly Father that families are eternal and the girls are being watched over.

My love for her was overwhelming and I'm so glad that I was able to be there and hear her testimony.  I echo mine with hers.

Friday Night with Neal

 We weren't very creative this past week.  There was to much going on and too many things that needed to be done that there wasn't much thought about where we were going to dinner.  It was Neal's turn to choose and he chose Woody's.  We got there just a little before 5:00 and by the time we left around 6:00 it was crowded with people coming and going.  It is a popular little dive here in Murray.  We both had a hamburger, fries, onion rings and malts.  So good.  Certainly not nutritious by any stretch of the imagination but sure was good.  Nothing better than a good juicy hamburger.  

Sunday Thoughts

 I didn't get a chance to finish posting on Sunday because I wanted to spend any extra time I had with Tucker.  

I taught my lesson in gospel doctrine on Sunday and these are the thoughts that I shared with my class.  The Kingdom of God is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It will stand forever.  Will we stand forever?  Will I stand forever?

There are four primary questions that we need to ask ourselves.  If we can answer 'yes' to these four primary questions then we don't need to worry about the secondary questions.  

1.  Is there a God who is our Father in Heaven?

2.  Is Jesus Christ the Son of God, the Savior of the world?

3.  Is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the Kingdom of God on earth?

4.  Was Joseph Smith a Prophet of God who laid down the foundation of the church?

You can't prove a positive by disproving a negative.

Look unto me in every thought and doubt not.

Also, these past two weeks have been incredibly hard for me.  Lots of family drama and lots of dumping on me.  I was feeling down and questioning myself as a step-mother and grandmother because of a letter I received.   

I received this from a friend and it certainly made me feel better about myself.

        "You look in the mirror and sometimes see a mess of a human being.

        But you don't see the lives you've touched, or the people you've saved.

        You don't see all the love you've given freely, or the extraordinary memories you've made.

        You are a book of beautiful moments and feelings."

She went on to tell me that it is easy to beat ourselves up when one family member turns against us.  But don't let yourself forget all the good and happy things!  

I have made a decision not to have a family gathering for Easter this year.  My feelings are just too raw right now and are going to take some time to heal.  

New Double Oven

 I've wanted two ovens in my kitchen almost from the time we moved into our town home.  It has taken us 20 years to get it done.  There have been countless times that I've needed two ovens when having a family dinner.  Now I should be in good shape.  I can be baking the main dinner in the big oven and starting rolls in the smaller oven.  So excited!

Tucker got to give the stove it's maiden voyage by surprising us on Sunday.  Neal and I came home from church and Tucker had prepared the most delicious dinner ever.  We had steak, asparagus and small potatoes.  Every bite was a delicious explosion of spices.  So incredibly good.  We thoroughly enjoyed dinner and our visit after.  Good conversations seem to always happen while surrounding the dinner table.

Tucker's "to do" list

 It seems that every time Tucker comes there is always technical projects for him to either fix or program or readstart, etc.  This time it was getting our new car set up with our phones, showing us all the gadgets and workings of our Nissan.  He worked on that all morning and then he and I went to the grocery store, Sneider's Meats and then to Jimmy John's for sandwiches.  Tucker wanted to fix us dinner on Sunday and I was more that happy to let him.  Nice to not have to cook for a change.

Saturday evening Tucker went with a group of his high school buddies to the Utah Basketball Game and hung out with them until late.  Neal and I went out to dinner with the Leethams and Pattons.  We went to the Longhorn Steak House and it was okay.  Not a place I would go back to any time soon.  But the company was great! 

Neal takes a tumble

 Neal, Tucker and Grayson went skiing on Friday.  I was going to go to work but decided instead to take a mental health day and stay home by myself, work on my lesson, do some house cleaning and some stitching.

Periodically Tucker would check in so that I knew everything was going well.  Then I get a video towards the early afternoon of Neal taking a not planned summersault , skiis flying in all directions and Neal landing, bouncing and rolling along the snow.  When he finally stops I hear Tucker saying, "Dad, dad, are you okay?"  Neal finally says that he thinks so.  Another skier stops and asks if he needs the ski patrol to which Neal answers that he thinks he will be okay.  Needless to say, he made it down the hill and that was his last run for the day.  Tucker and Grayson did a couple more and then they headed home.  Neal came hobbling in and I mean hobbling.  He changed and went to see Dan Patton who was able to put his hip and shoulders back in place.  I kept Neal on ice packs, Tylenol and Ibuprofen and resting for the rest of the day.  Saturday morning he was 100% better and on the mend.  So thankful that nothing was broken and that his knees weren't damaged.  

They did say that they had a fabulous time and that the weather was everything from snow, cloud covered, sunshine and bright blue skies.  

Neal and Tucker were supposed to go out to Maren's to see the new Batman movie but Neal was a little too broken up to go.  So Tucker went without him.  He said the movie was 3 hours long and wasn't one that he wanted to see again.  But enjoyed being with his sister.